FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
