Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize