I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
