My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
