Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
