Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
