I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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