i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
