Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize