trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
