On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
