So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
