Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
