shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
