he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
