Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
