Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
