maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
