He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
