drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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