I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
