you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
