She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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