I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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