i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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