I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
