Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
