i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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