and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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