He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
MIDGETS
????
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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