He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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