i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
jump out the window naked night went bad
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