Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
