i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
