Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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