U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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