Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
