She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
