I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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