i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
