i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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