i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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