Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
