my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
