im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
