Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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