this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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