sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
