My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this just has baby written all over it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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