That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
