he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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