i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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