I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize