oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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