no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize