my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
