I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
