I'm really into asian looking animals
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
