You made me cry and you don't even care
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
