We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
