Non-Jews are for practice
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
