Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there was a trapeze. enough said
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
