So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize