Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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