im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude i'm inner monologue high
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
