Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
