Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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