I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
