My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
