She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
