i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
