someone get that fucking seahorse.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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