I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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